Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he puts the penis in happiness.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
