Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
