just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
