you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
