I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
