we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
