so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
high people should be assigned attendants
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
