We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
