Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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