Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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