I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
