Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
