Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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