The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
