There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
