And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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