But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
