is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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