Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
