shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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