i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
