So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
