Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
