Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
