I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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