Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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