That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
