dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
