About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
