my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
