Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
