I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Randomize
