Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
