hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
