My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
