another moral hangover. fuck.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
