Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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