jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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