Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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