Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
