apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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