You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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