So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
