I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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