i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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