I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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