i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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