the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
