I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
