i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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