Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
