Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
