i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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