end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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