when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
