so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
