he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
