you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
