this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
