kristin has been a bad kristin
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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