i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
