no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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