if you like me you must not know who I am
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
