so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have fence marks all over my body
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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