I can tuck mytits in my pants
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You've changed since you got that strap on
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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