no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
