who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
