whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
