cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
