I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
