Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
