i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
