And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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