His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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