So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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