I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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