I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize