im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i will never coherently bang her
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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